My Family is My Life

This blog topic came at a perfect time. Not only did Thanksgiving just pass, where families all over the country come together, but I went to my grandma's house in New Hampshire where my mom's entire side of the family spent the holiday. My family has not had Thanksgiving with my mom's side of the family in about 10 years because of the travel distance; we usually stay in New Jersey and have dinner with my dad's side of the family. However, this year I was ecstatic for Thanksgiving! I absolutely love my mom's side of the family, and I was thrilled to be spending the holiday with them. We only see them about 4 times a year, so going there for Thanksgiving was a big deal!
There were 17 of us staying at my grandma's and celebrating Thanksgiving together, and my grandma hadn't put together a Thanksgiving dinner in about 15 years. With this being said, the festivities of the day were quite interesting. My uncle from Pittsburgh and his wife have 2 daughters. I love them all to death, but my uncle and aunt always have their own agendas that they need to stick to. This is how we ended up spending 2 hours at the beach on Thanksgiving Day. Not only was it Thanksgiving, but it was raining and freezing cold. The day before Thanksgiving, my uncle decided to plan a trip to the beach the next day. By the time Thanksgiving rolled around, and the weather was horrible, no one really wanted to go to the beach anymore. My uncle's daughters did not want to go unless all of their cousins came along, and I felt bad seeing them upset, so we all piled in the car and went to the beach. Everyone was getting uptight while we were at the beach, especially myself, who now felt bad that my the only person at home helping my grandma prepare dinner were my parents. I had a vision in my head of everyone helping with dinner and enjoying each other's company, not standing on a New Hampshire beach freezing in the rain with the whole family not being all together. With this conflict brewing inside of me, I tried to deal with it effectively. Instead of saying something that I was going to regret, I kept telling myself "This is just the way my uncle is" and, "It's Thanksgiving and I don't want to ruin the whole mood of the day by yelling and acting immature." I held my feelings and got through the 2 hours at the beach. It was a lose-win situation. We had to give in to my uncle's idea to keep the peace. However, my cousins all had a lot of fun, so looking back at it all, it was worth it to not have said anything.
When we arrived back at my grandma's house, she had the turkey out of the oven, and it had only been cooking for 3 hours. My mom was trying to tell my grandma nicely that the turkey wasn't done, but my grandma was frazzled with everything else that needed to get time in the oven. My mom, my aunt, and I looked at each other wishing my aunt (who lives 20 minutes down the road) had just had Thanksgiving at her like she had for the past 10 years. However, my mom, my aunt, and I did not want to be blemishers. We knew my grandma had been slaving over the oven all day and that all she really needed was us to appreciate the hard work she was doing to make a delicious meal. Thankfully, the only part of the turkey that wasn't fully cooked was the dark meat. When my dad carved the turkey, he just put the dark meat back into the oven, and everything was fine.
During dinner, there was some small talk that took place, but for the most part we talked about something I always find us talking about when my mom's family gets together: the past. I am fortunate enough to say that none of my relatives have ever been divorced. Everyone is in a vital marriage, with wonderful children as well. I am the oldest grandchild on my mom's side, so when we talk about the past it's usually including when me and my brother (who is only 18 months younger than me) were little. Talking about this almost always brings up the subject of my Uncle Mike, my mom's brother who died in 1993 of leukemia, and my grandpa who died of Alzheimer's in 2002. Both of these people were very special to everyone on my mom's side of the family, and it shows in the way we talk about them. I know it might sound morbid that we talk about deceased family members, but we don't talk about them and cry. We talk about them and laugh at remembering all the fun and funny times we had with both of them. Every time we talk about them, I always hear a story that I had never heard before. The language that is used in these conversations is heart-warming, and the words, thoughts, and emotions expressed show the love and memories we have for them.
Even with all this love that flows through my mom's family, there is one thing that is forbidden to being discussed: politics. At this point, everyone knows not to mention a word about anything dealing with politics. My parents are conservative Republicans. Not something I am too proud to share, since I lean the other way, along with my aunt and uncles. In the past when politics has been brought up, it has not gone well. Someone, usually my mother, ends up storming out of the room or getting so frustrated with her siblings that she starts yelling. I think a majority of the problem is the difference is speech communities. My aunt is a teacher and an environmentalist, therefore she agrees with the liberal side of issues. My uncle is a doctor at a Veterans hospital, therefore working for the government. He leans to the left as well. My dad is an OBGYN, therefore him and my mom lean toward the republican side of things because of abortion (which my father has never and will never do), medical malpractice insurance, and not having universal health care. All four of the people I just mentioned realizes that they will get into a screaming match if politics is brought up. Therefore, they decided to manage this conflict by agreeing to not bring it up. If this topic does come up, kitchen-sinking quickly occurs before the discussion gets out of control.
I really hope that going to New Hampshire and celebrating Thanksgiving with my mom’s side of the family becomes an ongoing tradition. When everyone is together we make memories that we will talk about forever. I’ll leave you with a quote that my 9 year-old and 7 year-old cousins made regarding Thanksgiving weekend: “This was the BEST Thanksgiving ever! All of our cousins were here, we got to go to the beach, and Grammy made a really good dinner!” Hearing this quote alone changed my attitude toward the little bit of stresses that came with Thanksgiving weekend. I realized that my little cousins had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and I am thankful I was there to be a part of it.
According to Dr. Rick Peterson, a professor at Virgina Tech, "Researchers have discovered a strong link between communication patterns and satisfaction with family relationships" (Noller & Fitzpatrick, 1990). This applies to my relationship with my family. We communicate effectively, both verbally and nonverbally, and accept each others' opinions and ideas, except when it comes to politics. It is with this positive communication that I find joy and comfort in being around my family. Dr. Peterson goes on to talk about more types of communication within families, such as instrumental and affective, in his article http://www.ext.vt.edu/pubs/family/350-092/350-092.html. My family definitely has affective communication by sharing our emotions and passions with each other. Throughout my life, I have never had doubts about my family. No matter what I am going through I know they are always there for me to support me or comfort me.

oh Boys...

"Men and women speak different languages." This is a statement that I agree with entirely. Both sexes interpret conversations and situations in different ways. This is when misunderstandings occur, especially in relationships. From personal experience, I can say that many differences occur when comparing men and women's communication between each other and between their own genders.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dp4u3zHabJg&feature=related This clip from Everybody Loves Raymond portrays how genders communicate with one another. Even though Debra does not have a close relationship with the teacher, she begins revealing private information and venting her feelingd to her. I believe she took this action because women understand each others feelings. Women share personal information with each other, and it makes them feel better. Personally, I know that their are things that I would rather talk to my girl friends about than my boyfriend, such as things that are bothering us that may seem stupid to a guy. For example, one of my friends has started to become way too clingy for my liking. Her constant phone calls, texs, and IM's are getting on my nerves so much that I never answer her and I try to avoid her at all costs. I told my boyfriend about this, and he thinks that I am being mean; he doesn't understand where I am coming from, and I can't understand why he doesn't unerstand my view of the situation. However, when I talk to my girl friends about it, they completely understand my annoyance with her and give me advice about what I should say if I confront her about the whole situation. My girl friends are much more helpful to me in this situation. Of course I love my boyfriend to death, but talking to him about this situation just gets me annoyed at him, so I tend to steer clear of bringing it up around him. The Everybody Loves Raymond clip also shows how men and women communicate with each other in a relationship. As Ray is sitting there silently, Debra asks him why he can't talk about anything and why he is so close-minded. Debra begins to vent her emotions when Ray does not give her a straight answer. By asking Ray this question, Debra wants to know why he can't express his emotions clearly; why he can't put himself out there. Many women ponder this same question. When it comes down to expressing personal feelings, guys want no part in it. My boyfriend will be the first person to admit that, when it comes to romance, he is not good at expressing his emotions; whereas I am a hopeless romantic. When my boyfriend brings me flowers I melt, and it means that much more because he's usually not too romantic. However, a lot of times I really want him to be express his feelings, even though I know he probably won't. Then I get all moody, and he doesn't understand why. Of course I do the typical girl thing, where you assume that he should know why, and you get even more mad when he doesn't figure it out on his own. I believe that this is definitely one of the biggest and most common misunderstandings in relationship communication between men and women.

Moving On...

Lindsey and I had been best friends since seventh grade – it would be fair to say that we were inseparable. We would spend countless hours at each other’s houses, and her dad occasionally even called me his daughter. When we arrived in high school, nothing really changed between us. We were still best friends, and everything seemed pretty much perfect – that is until the Fall of sophomore year of high school.
Lindsey had been dating Regi for about 3 years, and they had been having some problems by this point. Regi was very clingy, and Lindsey was getting annoyed with him so she broke it off. Lindsey started to hang out with another girl, Alyssa, who was gothic and hung out with people that I did not feel comfortable hanging out with. Even at lunch, Lindsey would go and sit with Alyssa and leave me with all my guy friends. I couldn’t understand what was happening between us, or what I had done wrong. She had always been my best friend, but now she wanted to hang out with someone she knew I did not want to be around. I knew that Alyssa was bad news. Eventually, I began to not really care if Lindsey didn’t sit with me at lunch. I had my guy friends who I decided I had much more fun with anyway. They knew how pissed I had been about her antics, and they let me vent to them pretty much everyday.
Lindsey and I were becoming very distant from one another, but she still thought that I was her best friend. She would come up to me in the hall and try to act like everything was fine between us. I couldn’t do that, so I would usually just blow her off or give one word answers to the conversation. Then one day she told me she really needed to talk to me about something. She seemed pretty serious so before homeroom we walked through the halls together, not really saying much. Then she stopped, looked at me, and pulled her sleeve up. There were cuts all over her wrist. I didn’t know what to do. We both started crying, and she asked me to promise not to tell anyone. Obviously, this is a promise that I couldn’t keep. She went to class, and I went to find Regi and my boyfriend, James. I told them and they were floored. All day in school I remember being very worked up and not knowing what I was going to do. That night, I went crying to my mom and dad and told them. My dad told me I needed to tell Lindsey’s dad, but I didn’t know how. I was a sophomore in high school – I didn’t know how to deal with something like this. So my dad called Lindsey’s parents, and they were shocked and upset with their daughter.
I knew that Lindsey was really changing for the worst when she told me about a concert she went to with Alyssa. It was some outdoor hardcore, screamo/gothic concert, and she met a guy there, Rich. I knew who Rich was. I had gone to elementary school and high school with him. He was always very disrespectful and a problem child throughout school. I even remember him one time throwing a chair at a teacher. Well, you can imagine my reaction when Lindsey told me that upon meeting him she had had sex with him in the woods at the concert. I was disgusted. I tried to tell her how wrong that is and how much of a dirt ball Rich was, but she wouldn’t have it. I wanted nothing to do with her anymore, and I think she was beginning to realize that.
The final straw was when I received a phone call from Lindsey’s dad asking if I knew where she was. She was missing. I told him that I she had told me she was going to Rich’s house after school, but I didn’t know where he lived. I began sobbing. Even though I was ready to move away from Lindsey, I still cared about her and I didn’t know why she was doing this to herself.
Before long, her parents ended up sending Lindsey to a hospital. She was there for a few weeks. She called me one day to let me know where she was and that she was fine and thanking me for being such a good friend. I accepted the apology then, but upon her arrival home we both knew that things had changed drastically between us. There was no way to repair everything that had happened. Lindsey really wanted to try to fix all the broken pieces of our friendship, but I just couldn’t do it. I needed to move on and get away from the relationship I had with her. Being around her and dealing with all the uncertainty and drama of our relationship had been mentally and emotionally draining on me. I couldn’t have imagined going through it all again, and that’s what I was scared of happening if I allowed myself to stay in the relationship.
To this day, Lindsey still tries to get in touch with me, and people who have talked to her tell me that she says how she wished me and her were still friends. It is hard to hear these things because of the closeness we once had, and the memories that we share. However, I know that I had to get out of my relationship with her to allow myself to grow and prosper in my own life.

"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever." Noah writes this in a letter to Allie in the movie The Notebook. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1O3KOD9fiU This quote gets me every time I read it, say it, or hear it. Not many things turn my eyes into faucets, but I cannot control my tears when I watch The Notebook. Depending on the day, there are times when just the birds flying over the lake in the first scene of the movie turn me into a sobbing mess. I am a very romantic person, but I don't think that is the whole reason why I cry during The Notebook.
In the movie, Allie develops severe dementia in her elder years. In June 2002, my grandpa died from Alzheimer's disease. Watching him struggle for so many years caused sadness and frustration among all my family members. My grandpa had taught me how to dive. He had given my brothers and I nicknames. He loved my grandma more than anything in this world. In the early stages of the disease, I remember him saying, "I still know that," after reciting me and my brothers names correctly. He laughed, we all laughed, but deep down we knew no one was laughing. We all knew it was only a matter of time until he wouldn't know our names, or remember that day. As the disease progressed, my grandpa forgot everyone's names and who they were. He would sit on the couch beside my grandma and propose to her over and over again. I remember looking at my aunt and my mom and nervously smiling at them. I wasn't happy and I didn't want to smile. It's just something I do when I'm nervous or scared about something; it's something that I really don't like about myself, but I can't control it. Inside I was crying and I couldn't get the tears to come out. All that I could show was that damn nervous smile that I didn't know how to hide. I only once went to visit my grandpa at the nursing home. I hadn't seen him in a few months, and the man I was looking at I still can't believe was him. A man who was once so strong and smart, was now so weak. I remember he began shouting at the nursing staff when we were there. My grandpa was never a violent person, and hearing him yelling scared me. I don't remember any other emotion I had at that moment except for feeling scared and feeling like I just wanted to get out of the nursing home. I have never been to a nursing home since then. Organizations I am in have gone to sing Christmas carols and bring the elders cookies, but I cannot bring myself to go. I am not a fearful person, but nursing homes are one of the few phobias I have. The experience seeing my grandpa in the nursing home was so powerful and scarring, and I don't want to see anyone else's grandparents going through that.
I remember the day my grandpa died. My brothers and I were in the living room at my grandparents house. My grandma, my mom, and all of her brothers and sisters were at the hospital. I remember when they walked in the door. They looked at my brothers and I and said simply, "Grampy died." I remember looking at my brothers and trying to hide that nervous smile. Inside I was crying and couldn't believe he was gone. Everyone was crying on the outside, so I tried to make myself cry. I don't remember if I did.
Talking about my grandpa now and his struggle with Alzheimer's, I cry every time. As I am typing this my eyes are welling up with tears. I don't know if my emotions are catching up with me, or if I have just matured emotionally. I regret not showing my tears on the day that he died. It was the one time in my life when I didn't understand my emotions. http://www.trans4mind.com/heart/emotions.html This link leads to a great website about all different emotions, what they are, and how to deal with them. There is a section on grief. The last sentence in the section says how there are many emotions involved in the grief process. I had always thought that I had been suppressing my sadness about my grandpa's death. It is relieving to know that so many emotions make up this process, and how I felt was just my own personal way of dealing with the situation.

Success

Success is a noun meaning the achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted (dictionary.com). Everyone has a different perception as to what they consider successful. Some people feel money and material possessions equal success, while others find success in their careers and family achievements. I believe success is not something that always has to deal with achievements in the work world. Having a strong marriage and raising well-rounded children are two of the greatest accomplishments I want to achieve in my life. I hope to someday get married and raise a happy, healthy family. If I accomplish these things, I will consider myself having reached success. The following anonymous quote describes my personal perception of success in a nutshell: "You have achieved success if you have lived well, laughed often and loved much"-Anonymous (motivatingquotes.com).

I am an elementary education major. I want to become a teacher who parents request their children have. I hope to have an interactive classroom, where children will become excited about learning. I believe the feeling of success is major aspect in an educational career. A teacher feels successful when the students take away what they have learned from her. There are still little spelling and math tricks that I learned in elementary school that I still use today. The teachers that taught with enough enthusiasm for me to carry lessons I learned from them with me throughout my life are the teachers who encompass the quality of success that I hope to one day attain.

To be able to reach my personal goals toward success (marriage and family), a job and well-situated salary is essential. Teaching elementary school is something that I have been dreaming of doing my whole life. However, it is very difficult to find a job in an elementary school. Many of my friends who graduated from Rider last year as elementary education majors still have yet to find a job. Honestly, this scares me. I am the kind of person who plans out future plans well in advance, and the idea of being unemployed for a year or more after college graduation stresses me out beyond belief. This is why I had to re-evaluate my possible career paths. I was an elementary education and mathematics double major for my first three semesters at Rider. The math classes became too difficult, and after acquiring twelve math credits, I decided to drop the math major. Recently, I was talking to my big sister in my sorority about careers after college. She is a secondary education and biology double major so she is all set, but we were talking about elementary education job difficulties that I will face. She was telling me about how I shouldn’t be so complacent allowing twelve math credits to act only as electives, and I should put them to good use. By the end of our conversation, I decided to pick up the middle school minor with a concentration in math. I have been tutoring my neighbor in algebra and geometry for a few years, so I know that teaching math to middle schoolers is something I would be successful at and am interested in doing. By having a math concentration, I know that I have better chances of being successful when looking for an elementary education position. Also, if elementary education does not work out right away, I will still have something else to fall back on.

Being a female education major, I look up to a successful woman in the field of education, Marilyn Burns. She is famous for the many books she has written about teaching mathematics. She writes about ways to teach mathematics to children in a such a way that the mathematical ideas are grasped in an exploratory way. Discovery learning is something that Burns focuses on. She believes for students to reach success in what they are learning they must apply their own ideas to solve the problems presented to them. They might make mistakes along the way, but in the end students will gain a better understanding of mathematical concepts. Marilyn Burns says, “Success comes from understanding. Set the following expectation for your students: Do only what makes sense to you. Too often, students see math as a collection of steps and tricks that they must learn. And this misconception leads to common recurring errors-when subtracting, students will subtract the smaller from the larger rather than regrouping; or when dividing, they'll omit a zero and wind up with an answer that is ten times too small. In these instances, students arrive at answers that make no sense, and they rarely know why. Help students understand that they should always try to make sense of what they do in math. Always encourage them to explain the purpose for what they're doing, the logic of their procedures, and the reasonableness of their solutions” (content.scholastic.com).

Everyone perceives success differently. Some may see it as monetary based, while others are more family-oriented. At the end of the day, I am confident in stating that success is something personal, that only the individual can understand and grow from.

Self

I'll start off by telling a few basics about myself. My name is Colleen, and I am a college junior. I am an Elementary Education and Communications (interpersonal track) double major with a minor in Middle School Education (math concentration). I live at home with my parents and 3 younger brothers. Being the oldest child, and only girl, I have always been the spoiled one, and my brothers are always saying that I'm my parents favorite. Obviously, parents don't have favorites.. ha..
I consider myself an outgoing person; it just takes me a little bit to warm up to people, but once I do, I'm loud and laughing all the time. Honestly, I am always laughing. I am probably one of the easiest people ever to make laugh. My boyfriend and I play a version of the staring game, except with us you can't laugh, and I pretty much lose every time. I do beat him occasionally though; it's good when you can make a guy laugh. Since I brought up the boyfriend subject, I guess I should mention that I am a huge romantic. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years, and he is the most amazing guy I have ever met. I love him to pieces, and I would be lost without him. I can't wait until our wedding day, and starting a family together.
I am also very understanding. My friends come to me a lot of the time for advice or just an ear to listen. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and I try to relay that message to my friends when they want advice. No matter how small a situation may seem, or how bad something may be, in the overall picture of life there was a reason it happened.
I am in shape, and love to exercise! I run at least 4 miles everyday of my life. I absolutely love to run. No matter how bad of a mood I may be in or how tired I may be, running wakes me up and puts me in an outstanding mood.
I have a very close relationship with my mom. I know that I can tell her anything, and she is always there to listen. I believe she feels the same wa about me because there are nights when we stay up pretty late just sitting on my bed gossiping and chatting about everything and anything. I try to give her advice, and she does the same for me. Both of us can immediately tell when something is bothering the other, just by walking into a room where the other person is. My mom is truly my hero and my best friend.
I also belong to a sorority. I joined last semester, and I am so happy that I did. The bonds that I have formed with those girls are irreplaceable. There is always someone to go to for help, advice, or just to go on a random shopping spree. All of my sisters are extraordinary, and I cannot imagine going back to not having them in my life.
I am extremely involved in school and always on-the-go. My planner is filled with meetings and work. I somehow manage to balance everything, and still have time to go to the gym everyday. Time management is something that I learned early on from my dad, and it is probably one of the most important elements of my daily routine. Relationships, school, work, clubs, exercise and still having a social life is an extraordinary balancing act. I am thankful everyday that I am able to have the skill and talent possible to take on everything that I am doing, and I pray to God every night to continue to guide me and give me the support to remain focused, happy, in love, and, of course, fun!